Grannymar

Here I am back at my own puter and the words are behaving like my singing voice does these days. I open my mouth to sing and nothing - zilch comes out. Now I was never in any doubt of my lack of singing talent, but I always enjoyed singing along with the crowd or the radio.

The left ear is getting worse so if you want to whisper sweet nothings into my shell like, make it the right one. When I answer the phone, I am not greeted with “Good morning Grannymar, how are you?” No I hear “Oh Grannymar that is a dreadful cold you have!” My voice is hoarse and my throat is sore in the mornings.

So before the Elly wan starts nagging, I have phoned the Health Centre. Would you believe it, my GP has no appointments left this year! YES, I did say no appointments left this year. They did offer to ask her to phone me and she did within half an hour. She said it would be a good idea to be seen today so she gave me an appointment to see someone else this afternoon.

I wonder if they can do head transplants yet? If not I might ask if the do shotguns on the NHS. I have to do something ’cause it is very waring having to remember to keep the Toy boy on my right side.

So when next you hear from me I might be topless. Now that would make an interesting picture me driving home topless with my head on the passenger seat. Do you think the head will need a seatbelt?

Sing among yourselves for now….

Home at last and slowly recovering from chasing Toyboys, talking, boozing, eating and lack of sleep. I need time to gather my thoughts and write or podcast about the weekend…. well the printable part of it anyway!

Now who were those guys using camera phones? I wonder if I might be able to bribe them….

Thanks to Elly for doing the driving on Saturday and to George for the comfortable car.  Without you I would never have contemplated the long journey.

In the mean time while I catch up on the 1182 items in my Google Reader you amuse yourselves with this little item I picked up from Baino.

You Are Chardonnay

Fresh, spirited, and classic - you have many facets to your personality. You can be sweet and light. Or deep and complex. You have a little bit of something to offer everyone… no wonder you’re so popular. Approachable and never smug, you are easy to get to know (and love!).Deep down you are: Dependable and modestYour partying style: Understated and polite Your company is enjoyed best with: Cold or wild meat

Now after the weekend what would you say?

What Kind of Wine Are You?

While reading a post from Betty the other day called Sorry, wrong number, it reminded me of some calls I answered over the years. It gave me the idea to share some of them with you. Here I go stealing ideas again!

Back in the days when ‘The Telephone’ was a fixture like an immoveable feast, a time mentioned in a Podcast I made way back last February, I mentioned the fact that the phone was in the Hallway of our house near the foot of the stairs. No matter what hour it was or where you were when it started to ring, there was a charge of the Light Brigade to answer it. My mother was often heard to say “You sound like Guinness’s Horses!”

I actually remember the heavy rhythmic sound of the large Dray Horses from the Guinness’s Brewery as they pulled the heavy trailers over cobbled streets back to the Brewery at night. It was a comforting sound, heard as I lay in a great big bed at my (Dublin) Granny’s house on a summer’s night. Still daylight outside, the windows were open for air and the closed curtains with their large Cabbage Roses, billowed in the soft breeze.

Now back to my subject and the sample of calls to our house. We were taught to answer the phone with the number and not a name.

11.40p.m. Ring-ring, ring-ring…

Me: ****** (Number)
Caller: The Gardai are outside. Click.

11.41p.m. Ring-ring, ring-ring…

Me: ****** (Number)
Caller: Close the Bar, CLOSE THE BAR! Click.

11.42p.m. Ring-ring, ring-ring…

Me: ****** (Number)
Caller: Close the Bar the Gardai are outside. Click

We got calls for a Pub that was at least two miles away on a regular basis half an hour after the official closing time at night. Our phones numbers had the same digits but in a different order. There was no point in complaining, as the callers never stayed on the line long enough to find out their mistake.

Ring-ring, ring-ring…

Me: ****** (Number)
Caller: Is that **+**+?
Me: No, you have a wrong number.
Caller: Well if it is a wrong number, why did you answer it? Click.

Then there was the night…

Ring-ring, ring-ring…

Brother No.2: ****** (Number).
Caller: Blah-de-blah-de-blah. I only heard one side of this conversation!

Brother No.2: I’m fine, how are you?
Caller: Blah-de-blah-de-blah.

Brother No 2: When did that happen?
Caller: Blah-de-blah-de-blah.

Brother No.2: Were you very late?
Caller: Blah-de-blah-de-blah.

Brother No.2: How did it go?
Caller: Blah-de-blah-de-blah.

Brother No.2: You miss me. Really!
Caller: Blah-de-blah-de-blah.

Brother No.2: How much?
Caller: Blah-de-blah-de-blah.

Brother No.2: Mmmm! I think I better get my Brother before you tell me any more secrets. Nice talking to you!
Caller: I will NEVER phone that house again!

That call actually went on for 45 minutes without the young lady realising she was talking to the wrong brother. She and brother No.1 celebrated 40 years of marriage last week. Well done both of you and I wish you bliss and trouble free phone calls for the next forty years!

Nowadays when I get an incoming call for a number that is not my own, it might go something like this:

Ring-ring, ring-ring…

Me: Hello
Caller: Would Joe be there?
Me: I think you have the wrong number.
Caller: Oh! I am very sorry for disturbing you. Click.

Ring-ring, ring-ring…

Me: Hello
Caller: Would Joe be there?
Me: Well I hope not, or my husband might not be well pleased! (I never tell them my husband died)

Ring-ring, ring-ring…

Me: Hello
Caller: Can I speak to Joe?
Me: Hold on while I check, I set the receiver down and walk deliberately and noisily away……

Minutes later

Me: Are you still there?
Caller: Yes, is Joe there?
Me: I checked under the bed and there is no sign of him!
Caller: Click.

Ring-ring, ring-ring…

Me: Hello
Caller: Would Frank be there?
Me: Is he good-looking?
Caller: Why?
Me: Well if he is good-looking and a toy-boy he can stay!

I bet you are glad you don’t ring my number!

This is in reply to the comments on my last post.

Dario please hurry up and sort the world out.

Betty we need a licence for a TV and another one if we have a dog, but none for a cat, a rabbit or a baby! The world is crazy…

We have no cable TV where I live and would need something like this on the roof.

I know that in Dublin where Elly lives they have a provider of cable that covers the phone, internet and TV connection. Mind you the phone line is dreadful in my opinion. That is unless they jink it on purpose to get me off the line quickly.

Nancy that pilot sounds like a guy I knew in the USAF.

The clatter of my letterbox is a sound that always pleased me. Today was no different. Yes, the postman had come early and left an A5 sized envelope. Emails are instant but it is still nice to get some letters. The sound of them dropping onto the floor tells me I am still alive.

The lone item today was my Phone/Broadband bill. Old habits die hard and I always go through the bill with a fine tooth comb. Sometimes in the past it was a reminder that it was time to phone a particular person again. With the modern day options that have the free evening and weekend calls, the numbers in ‘free-time’ do not show up.

The bill this morning had a surprise for me. Second item on the list of calls was: 20^th January at 13.46 Somalia, followed by a number.

Yes, I did say Somalia.

I don’t know anyone in Somalia. To my shame I can just about tell it is in Africa, but I am not sure whether it is north, south, east or west. Google maps here I come….

I have never phoned anyone in Somalia in my life and since I live alone who did? I know it was not Elly or my Sin-in-Law as they were at Barcamp South East that day. I know they were there because Elly was giving one of the talks.

There was only one solution for it, so I phoned BT. I followed option 1, followed by 4 and 5. I nice English speaking girl asked how she could help. I told her my trouble and she wondered if I had misdialled. I assured her that that was not the case. She was still sceptical and said she would check back over the past two bills. No sign of Somalia there she said. I knew that, so reluctantly she said she would have it deleted from the bill.

What I still want to know is who used my phone to call Somalia?

Was it you? Go on own up!