Grannymar

“OLD” IS WHEN….. Your darling says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Pick one, I can’t do both!”

“OLD” IS WHEN….. A sexy young girl catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

“OLD” IS WHEN….. Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

“OLD” IS WHEN….. You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.

“OLD” IS WHEN….. You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

“OLD” IS WHEN….. “Getting a little action” means I don’t need to take any fibre today.

“OLD” IS WHEN….. “Getting lucky” means you find your car in the car park.

“OLD” IS WHEN….. An “all-nighter” means not having to get up to pee.

If you’re under 50, go on laugh.

If you’re over 50, tell them…. Life gets the last laugh!

A few weeks ago I was away for a few days it was a quiet break in the country. I went out walking one morning, and lo and behold, who do you think I saw? Now I pulled the scarf tightly under my chin and kept my head down. Over a wall between a chicken run and a pigsty I saw Him – yes the one and only Grandad. I was sure it was himself by the way he was muttering. I stooped down behind the wall to listen to what he was saying.

It went like this:

“I’m the life and soul of the party…… even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I’m very good at opening childproof caps… with a hammer.
I’m usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a thing you’re saying.
I’m very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over…
I’m aware that other people’s grandchildren are not nearly as cute as mine.
I’m so cared for — long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.

I’m not really grouchy,

I just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids and Toyota commercials, barking dogs, politicians and a few other things I can’t seem to remember right now.

I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.
I’m wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that’s just my left leg.
I’m having trouble remembering simple words like…….

I’m beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.
I’m sure they are making adults much younger these days, and when did they let kids become policemen?
I’m wondering, if you’re only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?
And, how can my kids be older than I feel sometimes?

I’m a walking storeroom of facts….. I’ve just lost the key to the storeroom door.”