Grannymar

I feel that:-

That is how it was in our house

Today I should be many miles away from home.

This is where I should be:

Four Seasons Hotel Boston, MA

It sounds wonderful

Overlooking the famed Public Garden and Beacon Hill, and within easy reach of every notable business, entertainment and cultural attraction, Four Seasons is characterised by elegant simplicity and old-world Boston charm.

Unfortunately I had to decline an invitation to attend a family wedding there today.

So to Alexis & James I hope the sun shines on you today and always. I wish you a long and happy life together.

Darren was on the phone to a work colleague and she teased and enquired when he would give her the opportunity to buy a new hat. It is a phrase I heard many a time and often when I was young. It set Darren thinking, so he wrote a piece about Love And Marriage and asked for our thoughts.

I come from the dark ages. My father saw a woman’s place as in the kitchen. A third level education was seen as a waste for me as I would only go off and get married! Back then I had no interest in marriage because it only meant drudgery and work and I had plenty of that already with my father and brothers. Why would I ever willingly take all that on?

My working life started in the Civil Service. Back then girls working in the Civil Service in Ireland were required to resign from work on marriage. I know that my own mother would have liked to keep on working after she married. She had a good head for figures and indeed earned ‘a Man’s Wage’ back in 1941. My father announced that “No wife of mine will go out to work” and so my mother became a full time wife and mother.

Time passed and along came Jack and changed the whole canvas of my thinking. He was old enough to be my father, a widower, from a different religion and ‘English’! It may only be across the water to the next island but it was seen by my family as a very different culture. Heads nodded and tongues wagged, it was sure to be a disaster. We were more than expected to fall at the first hurdle.

While out with my mother one day shortly after we became engaged, I met a friend of mine. My friend was delighted and excited for me and said as much to my mother. To this day I still remember my mother’s reply “I hope she doesn’t miss out; he is a lot older than her you know!” There was no warmth or affection in the remark. Perhaps the way my mother uttered those words was the best thing she ever did. I knew that if I stumbled along the way, there would be no point in going home to mother! I would have to stay and work it out.

I didn’t expect to stumble and in fact never had any doubt that I was making the correct decision.

Within a week of the engagement my father produced a list! It was a first draft of wedding guests. It numbered 70 and that was only our side. I tore it up and said that we only wanted immediate family to share in our day. I had no desire for relations that only came when they needed feeding, to dance at my wedding. I in fact went on to say “Anyway, what is wrong with having the wedding out there in the back garden that you are so proud of”! I have no idea where that came from, but once uttered I began to really think about it and like the idea. A friend of mine was a chef and I asked him to look after the catering for us. He did. Every cup, glass, plate and chair was imported for the day, and he produced a mouth-watering buffer for us. A friend of one of my brother’s worked in a pub and organised to have the Guinness on tap for the boys (it was a great hit) we bought the wine wholesale.

My outfit cost £75 pounds and was way less than a traditional wedding dress. Jack wore a suit and we asked our witnesses to wear whatever they were comfortable in. My Godmother, a florist provided the flowers and I gave a couple of rolls of film each, to my eldest brother and my cousin and told them to just click away. No formal groups required. My Uncle officiated at the ceremony.

The sun shone brilliantly on the day and for most of the time thereafter. Marriage is not always a bed of roses; you only get out of it what you put in. It is a work in progress and we learn to change and move along with life’s seasons. You learn to live with the toothpaste being squeezed in the middle, the cushions being fluffed up the second you stand up from a chair, or the hours spent washing and polishing a car. Having a soul-mate to start the day, share worries and joys, kisses and cuddles, before snuggling close to as evening draws to a close is worth all the tea in China, as my grandmother used to say, or indeed all the modern day technology! A kiss or cuddle does not depend on broadband or electricity to work!

As someone who was married until death did us part, I know that the love and strength of my marriage has carried me through the black abyss of bereavement. In the dark days of Jack’s illness I regularly repeated silently to myself the word of the wedding vows I had made many years earlier and thought of how I felt about Jack when we first fell in love. It helped!

Sadly not all have a marriage like mine and I have watched with great pain while some have crumbled before my eyes. Nowadays there are so many distractions and modern working hours are no help. Laptops and mobile phones surgically attached are a curse of the highest order. No good saying I wish… when a marriage is over or a soul-mate has died. The time to do something is NOW!

I remember many decades ago, Gay Byrne had a Jesuit priest on the Late Late Show, talking about marriage and its problems. His advice (to the horror of all the little ‘Holy Marys’ round the country) was two hours on the couch twice a week! Best advice I ever heard.

Now close up that Laptop, switch off the mobile and tell your soul-mate how much you love them!

Amen.

As the year draws slowly to its close, we all regardless of age seem to look back over the events of the past year, remembering lost loved ones, re-live our celebrations, rejoicing over achievements, tiptoe past disasters and move on to plan for the year ahead.

At first glance sewing seemed to overtake if not punctuate my year at every available space. In fact it was actually a year of great variety. In March I attended the Irish Blog Awards in Dublin, where I had the opportunity to meet with other Bloggers with amazing talent. A week later I turned sixty and officially become a senior citizen.

Over the months many hours were spent talking to Elly simultaneously on the phone and internet working through suggestions, ideas and plans for the wedding.

Moving forward to May I was approached on Skype and asked to help a young man in Italy to improve his English. I almost said no, but now we talk regularly and I think at this stage he can be counted as a friend.

The Wedding in June brought family and friends from across the globe to help celebrate and witness Elly & George’s Special day.

The weather was kind and Elly looked happy and glowing in her outfit. She said that it was very comfortable to wear and gave her the freedom she wanted.

The train of her outfit was detachable and was removed for dancing.

The end of June was rather scary with an emergency trip to hospital but thankfully I have recovered, and learned yet again to listen to my body! By the end of September I had sufficient energy to attend Podcamp in Kilkenny. It gave me the opportunity to learn and share, while renewing old friendships and making new ones.

November saw the passing of Cherry the mother of my new Son-in-Law George. I know that with Elly by his side, and the love of his father and siblings to share the great loss, George will feel the smile of sunshine on his face once more and hear and enjoy the birds singing.

Back in July I quietly marked the 30^th anniversary of the day I married. Sadly, and not by choice, I have been alone for a third of that time. When Jack was alive our world was wonderful and I am thankful for warm loving memories.

The mention of marriage reminds me of a radio interview I smiled at over the holiday, an 80-year-old lady was the focus, because she had just remarried — for the fourth time.

The male interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

He’s a funeral director,’ she answered.

Interesting, the young man thought. He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she’d first married a banker when she was in her early 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, later on a preacher when in her 60’s, and now in her 80’s, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, ‘I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.’

Grannymar’s 3rd Great Grandfather 1763 - 1836

This image is circa 1800 The original is still in the old Homestead.

In the next week or so you will notice a change on my Blog Roll. I will be ditching Sin-in-Law.

Now calm down, I am not eliminating him altogether just changing his name on the list. After Saturday he will hopefully be still living with my daughter. They have known each other for the past five years and there are no signs of any cracks, so it looks like they are together for the duration.

So how will I introduce him to any of my friends? I could ask for your help with suggestions, but no, I have made up my own mind on this one.

Son-in-Law is so ordinary and used by so many already. I have decided to call George my:

Sun-in-Law

“Why Sun and not Son” I hear you ask.

The reason for my choice is the transformation in Elly when he walks into a room. It is exactly like the sun suddenly appearing from behind a cloud. The room is brighter for his presence and filled with a warm loving glow.

I wish them both, every happiness on their shared journey through married life.