Grannymar

OK so I didn’t write them, but the following statements about the bible were supposedly written by children. They have not been re-touched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in. Enjoy!

In the first book of the bible, guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.

Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

Sampson was a strongman who let him self be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.

Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.

Moses led the Jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. After wards, mosses went up to mount cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.

The first commandments was when eve told Adam to eat the apple.

The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of geritol.

Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.

Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others be fore they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone…

It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

The epistels were the wives of the a postles.

One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity; he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige.

Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

Regular visitors here might have noticed that GM was having trouble. Of course you are all to well behaved to say anything incase my feelings might be hurt. My posts have behaved badly and the font size threw a wobbly!

Following consultations with my advisors at enormous expense, that problem looks like it is solved. Back posts need a little more tweaking when time permits. Windows Live Writer is not very fond of WordPress 2.5 so I am ditching it. I need to check that the catagories stay as I set them and not jump about and the line spacing and paragraphs behave. So this is really a test post.

Thank you to all my advisors who with time and patience sort out my little worries. It cannot be easy when I keep referring to problems in non-tekkie language. I would hate to lose my friends and virtual family. Knitting will never hold fascination for me again!

*+*+*+*

Now I hate advertising on the outside of my clothes.

I remember old men walking the streets of Dublin when I was young, they were wearing sandwich boards. These boards were advertisments for shops or businesses or sometimes had a religious quotation. I always felt sorry for the men who earned their daily crust this way.

Now T-shirts slogans are a horse of a different colour. I saw one I really liked recently it said:

In my next life

I’m going to have more memory installed!

Do you have children about to start or attending Primary School?

What do you know about the school they attend? Are you interested or aware of any problems?

Does your responsibility end when you open the door of the SUV to drop the darlings off with their satchel up market school bag, lunch money or tuck box, leaving you several hours to get on with your own life before charging up once more to stop - bang in front of the gateway - never mind the lay-by that seems to be compulsory for Health & Safety regulations. Is that it?

Who decides on the text books your child uses or how the subject is taught? I am sure you think it is that distracted school Principal losing his ability to smile. Before you criticize, walk a mile in his shoes!

How does he spend his evenings?

For ‘homework’ I have: * 6 policies to proof read and correct * 3 others to continue and * 1 to start.

Does he have help?

…..It is just not physically possible to teach and administer at the same time. All my waking hours are consumed by school … school and more school.

Only last week did I stay in school until 6.00 p.m. cutting the grass and tidying up. It’s a case of DIY or it remains undone. I have been patching holes on the roof, brushing the yard, painting classrooms, etc. …. you name it I’ve probably done it!

Our school accounts are in the black ‘cos we’re careful (not mean) with the spend.

I’m overwhelmed at times …. free education is a laugh …. someone is usually paying for it …. and it’s usually me with my time!

…..I have asked the parents in my school to get involved in policy development and/or help out around the school …. (I ask regularly) …. how many volunteers did I get? …. NONE! … yet they have no problem complaining if a decision/procedure/policy has been implemented without their input. Even when they get the policies to read … they don’t!

Nobody survives in a vacuum. An exhausted Teacher cannot give of his or her best to the children in their charge – YOUR CHILDREN.

Education is the right of all children, but that does not give parents the right to abdicate responsibility for it at the school gate. If your child showed potential in Bunge-jumping and ‘Gold at the 2012 Olympics’ was mooted, I’m sure you would travel the length and breadth of the land so they had every chance to gain experience. Would that enormous effort on your part, be for the child, or for the reflected glory that you would gain?

Gold loses its shine in time and the Bunge-jumping may not put food on the table for long, but an energetic enthusiastic unencumbered teacher can set alight the fire of learning within a young mind setting them on the road to being the next Brahms, Brontë or Brunel. So give that hour or odd Saturday, you might even surprise yourself and enjoy it. There is the chance to get to know the teachers as ‘real’ people and also earn kudos big time with the offspring.

The very first time daddy brought us to see a round tower it seemed to touch the sky and you needed a rope ladder to reach the door which was a long way off the ground. The window holes were like slits and had no glass in them, so it must have been very draughty and dark inside. A round tower was like a round room and it was not as wide as our house. In my head it seemed only as wide as our toilet, well that was the smallest room in our house (separate to the bathroom) and I needed to get things in proportion.

I seem to remember being told then that round towers were originally built to protect our ancestors from raiders such as Vikings.

My childish mind worked overtime when I thought about it. To begin with I was small for my age when I was young, my father and uncles were all over 6ft tall. If they were standing when they spoke to me I had to look a long way up to see their faces. When we were near the tower daddy didn’t reach the bottom of the door. I hoped there would be no more Vikings. I didn’t want to climb up there.

Anyway, if we did manage to get inside how could we all fit? Maybe I would be lifted up onto someone’s shoulders. The round room went way up to the sky remember, so there would be lots of people standing on other peoples shoulders! What would I do if a heavy person was standing on my shoulders? It would be terrible if their feet were dirty and smelly. Again I hoped there would be no more raiders.

What brought this on?

You may well ask!

At the weekend I went out for a walk in the sunshine and on my travels I saw this round tower:

In 1866 James Chaine, the son of a prosperous linen merchant from Co Antrim, bought the Larne harbour with a down payment of £9,000. He repaired the existing pier and quays and had them extended and developed a rail link to the Port. In 1871 the Larne and Stranraer Steamboat Company was formed and a new paddle steamer the Princess Louise commenced a regular service between the two ports on 1^st July 1872.

A mail route was established in 1875 and a trans-Atlantic service between Glasgow, Larne and New York began in 1873. Using the renowned State Line vessels, this service continued until December 1889 and many hundreds of emigrants left Larne to start a new life in America.

James Chaine died from pneumonia in 1885 at the age of 44 and as a mark of respect the people of Larne and district raised funds by public subscription to build the Chaine Memorial Tower which dominates the entrance to the harbour.

My birthday is past and Christmas is a long time away so what am I wishing for?

I am wishing for time…. not my time, but yours!

Now I know you are busy and time means money and the song tells us -

Yes, money makes the world go around, the world go around etc.

But what good is money if you kill yourself working?

What good is money if you have no one to share it with?

Alice at My Wintersong pulled up at a stoplight, it was a reminder that we all need to pause and see real life or smell the roses. Then I came to my Toyboy Rowan with a similar message. It made me think…

There was nobody more hard working than my Jack. He was busy from the minute he opened his eyes in the morning until he lay down in bed at night. I had to talk to him! He was retired. It was time to take things a little easier and enjoy life. I didn’t want to look across the table some day and wonder who the strange man was. I wanted to spend time with him afterall that was why we had married. We made changes, we had a day out each week, sometimes it was walking on a seashore or in woodland, chatting away to each other or at other times walking hand-in-hand enclosed in companionable silence.

I no longer have my man across the table or to hold my hand, but I do have wonderful loving memories of the time we spent TOGETHER!

I am glad we made that effort.

If you love someone, give them the most precious gift you have - TIME

As a friend of mine says ‘None of us are promised tomorrow!’ So start sharing now.

In memory of Jack who died April 1998 (not today)

Roy from Irish Taxi has regaled us daily with tales, good and bad, from his hours behind the wheel. Now K8 the GR8 has joined the fray. I was beginning to think that I was missing something here and finally I discovered what it was.

You see, I thought that all Taxi drivers just sat around waiting for the likes of me to phone on a whim, and ask them to take me from A to B by the shortest route and in five minutes flat. It has worked well in the past, so why should I change my mind!

Well the other day I discovered what it was all about… is it any wonder that Roy is thinking of a career change?

I can just see Roy and K8 tripping around the M50; it surely would clear the traffic. Just think when ‘real dancers’ take to the dance floor everyone else fades into the woodwork…

CEROC is a modern partner dance that takes moves from many other popular dances such as Ballroom, Salsa, Latin, Hip hop, Jive and Tango. The classes are aimed at people with no dance experience and two left feet. There is no need to enrol on a course, simply turn up when you can with or without a partner.

Since the early 80’s CEROC has developed its own unique style which is easy to learn and great fun. Besides this, it’s a fantastic way to keep fit and a very sociable way to spend an evening. One of the other great things about CEROC is that there’s no need to come with a partner. Our teaching method means everyone changes partners during the class.

All CEROC nights starts with a class for beginners lasting for 45 minutes. Each dance is demonstrated and then the Taxi Dancers move among and partner the ‘learners’ while repeating the moves. Then there is a short freestyle session followed by the more challenging Intermediate class which lasts for 30 minutes, then the DJ takes command of the freestyle session. This is an hour and an half of pure uninterrupted dance where you can improve your dance style and soak up the atmosphere.

Now I wonder… I don’t need a partner… Do you think there might be a few T…….

Where did I put my dancing shoes.

Now it is my turn!

The great big difference is my offering is free with NO licence fee. We are talking repeats here.

I don’t often make an offer like this so make the most of it. I have your best interest at heart.

All you have to do is click here

Remember to come back and tell how you enjoyed it!

The other day I was replacing a button on the waistband of a pair of jeans. They were not mine and the lack of a button was due to a lost battle with an expanding waistline. The strain on the waistband where the button should be weakens the fabric and sometimes causes a hole. To overcome these problems reach for the button box, a sewing needle with a large eye-hole, three matchsticks, sticky-tape and Dental Floss!

Now if you have the original button your problem is halved, if not look for one that will neatly pass through the buttonhole. If a button slips easily through the buttonhole, then it is not large enough and will open every five minutes. If it needs force to go through then it is too big. Then pick a smaller flat button with the same number of holes as the larger one.

Next find a little masking tape or sticky-tape and place the three matches in a row and wrap them in the tape. For safety reasons used matches are best, we don’t need any burnt fingers! This match stack will be placed between the top button and the fabric to leave the threads long enough to form a shank. I made one of these about twenty years ago and keep it in the sewing box.

Select the length of Dental Floss and thread it on to the needle. I double the thread and knot the end of it. Attach the thread to the fabric with a double stitch and then push it through the smaller button on the underside of the waistband. Place the large button on the top fabric and stitch through the fabric and the button. Make sure to slip the match stack in between the fabric and upper button.

When you have stitched the buttons securely bring the needle up through the bottom button and fabric, remove the matchsticks and wind the thread around the threads between the fabric and top button to give extra strength and finally take the needle through to the back and finish off with a small double stitch.

Now you only have one problem, how to conceal the ‘white’ thread in the centre of a dark button. Use your loaf Rollerball or ink pen to darken it.

My photos are a little blurred, but they will give you the idea. I used a scrap of material with light coloured buttons and contrasting tread for the sample. Hopefully I make a better job of matching my colours in the normal course of events.

I know several people with itchy feet syndrome.

It seems to be more evident as spring raises its sleepy head from the grey blanket of winter. The new life we see around us like the first snowdrop or crocus pushing its way through frozen ground or daffodils fluttering in the breeze make us hanker for new growth in our lives. The new growth might manifest itself in a change of routine, a new hobby, a career move or a new relationship.

None of these will happen unless we are open and willing to accept change. Sometimes the idea of change is difficult to accept. We are changing every day without realising it. We are a day older and the happenings of the previous day have left a mark, even if we are unable to see it.

Firstly we must be open to the change and prepare for it. If you are going to a party, and know your heart’s desire will be there, what do you do? Have a shower, wash the hair, wear clean pressed clothes etc. In other words = Prepare

If you are going to the Gym, well you need the new shorts & top and of course the right trainers = Prepare

If you are going to an Art class, well you need to buy a sketch pad and pencils or paints and brushes = Prepare

What about the career move? = Prepare

How do I suggest you do that? Go read an excellent blog post from one of my Toyboys; Rowan Manahan puts it so much better than I ever could. I would go as far as saying keep a copy of the post close to you and read it on a regular basis. It applies not only to job hunting but to life itself:

Being prepared - getting a foot in the door and not in your mouth

Now when you find your truelove and make your millions, don’t forget to come back and tell Grannymar.

Oh yes! It was me. I mentioned it yesterday in Five minutes of fame!

Today while trying to follow the goings-on at Creative Camp in Kilkenny via Twitter and Jaiku, well I need to keep a beady eye on the Toyboys, I found this via seanabc onTwitter:

The Many Uses of Vodka. I am not sure it was a good idea to read it.

Mine’s a lime juice and soda, thank you very much! You may keep the Vodka!