A comment
A comment I made a few days ago, I think it stands alone and worth repeating…
I will admit to being troubled by same sex couples having children but there are plenty of examples where the ‘heterosexual couple’ make a very poor job of parenting.
Another situation that really annoys me are the single women who choose to have a child alone - I see it as pure selfishness….
….and then I remember the fathers or mothers who bring up a family alone (making a good job of it) because their partner had died.
Perhaps we should learn not to judge.
As Fagin would say “…I think I’d better think it out again.”!
Baino said,
November 8, 2011 at 7:22 am
Yes I think perhaps you should. As you know I was widowed with a 2 year old and a 4 year old. Did a pretty good job of turning them into decent adults. I’d have rather done it with a partner but it did have it’s benefits. I was judge, jury and executioner so maybe it was a little easier. Good and bad in everything I guess.
Rummuser said,
November 8, 2011 at 11:51 am
Expressing an opinion on a matter of grave consequence like the instances cited by you is not being judgmental. It is something that you would not like to see happening in your own backyard. Despite that, if it does happen, letting it be and more importantly, letting it go, is being sensible. Lest it be misunderstood, let me give an example. I do not think that marriages should break up. It is my personal opinion formed by my own experience. My son decided to divorce his wife of five years and his then wife reluctantly agreed. I have let it be and let it go without holding it against my son. My ex daughter in law continues, for all practical and emotional purposes to be my daughter.
Mike G. said,
November 8, 2011 at 1:47 pm
I agree with Ramana, especially on the topic of divorce, though I would temper it by saying that in some instances there is just no other option. Children of divorced parents are often greatly impacted, with residual effects and emotions lasting years and even decades after — or so my own experience tells me. Then, again, troubled marriages can have long lasting impacts on the children, even when the marriage doesn’t end.
So far as the examples, you cited, I must say that I agree with being uncomfortable with those situations. I think, to some degree, it’s because of social norms and expectations that we grew up with. I have been learning to be more accepting of things I am not entirely comfortable with. Who says you can’t teach an old dog?
Brighid said,
November 8, 2011 at 3:55 pm
I wonder if the parenting abilities of one group is better than another. Being a parent can be difficult in any situation, or the greatest joy, or a combination of both. All I care about is that kids are raised to be good kind adults.
Delirious said,
November 8, 2011 at 4:36 pm
I believe that every child is entitled to live in a home with a father and a mother. That being said, however, I am very proud of parents who have not choice, and must raise them alone, and do a great job of it!
I am thinking along the same lines as Ramana when it comes to divorce. If the reason for divorce is abuse, then I would support it. But if at all possible, I think parents should stay with their spouse while children are in the home. I heard about a study recently that shows that even mediocre parents can raise children to be good, functioning adults. Whew…that’s good to know!
Maynard said,
November 8, 2011 at 5:02 pm
My father died in a car accident when I was 7 years old. My mother never remarried. She was a mother and discipled me like a father.
I’m sure it was a struggle for her. I never missed having a father until I gradulated from college, that is when I was looking for male guidance.
Now you know why I’m so strange. I’m so happy that I can be around for my kids, but I’m not sure what they think.
Most of the time they think I’m crazy, and half of the time I have to agree with them.
Nick said,
November 8, 2011 at 7:40 pm
I think the important thing for children is a sense of security, stability, and loving guidance. If that’s what they get from a single parent, two gay parents, or two straight parents, what more is there to say? And as far as divorce goes, my parents never divorced but there was constant tension between them which did me just as much psychological harm.
Grannymar said,
November 8, 2011 at 7:46 pm
Baino - I was thinking of you, while typing, as one of those parents who had to bring up a family following the death of their father. You did well girl!
Ramana - I am slowly learning to let things be.
Mike - Life moves at break neck speed these days it is hard to keep up with the changes.
Brighid - That was how I was beginning to think as I reached the end of the comment in the post above.
Grannymar said,
November 8, 2011 at 8:04 pm
Delirious - Thank you for making me think about this subject, I know my early thoughts were rather fixed, yet troubled. Reading so many views in the comments is helping me to see situations from many other points of the compass.
Maynard - I have come to know not alone you, but all the members of your family in the last few years. What did I learn? I learned that you are a loving husband, father and grandfather anf that love is returned one hundred fold!
Nick - I too remember the ‘long silences of childhood’, but all it needed was someone to come in from outside and all was well again. I suppose a half dozen boisterous children would fray a saint’s nerves!
Conrad said,
November 8, 2011 at 8:49 pm
GM, I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, a great lab for all kinds of parenting. Often, people out of our national mainstream of acceptance end up here because this area is dedicated to acceptance of alternatives.
I have seen same-sex couples provide a very good nuclear family and I have seen them fail, pretty much like heterosexual couples. I have worked with many children in clinical settings where the main problem with the child was the family itself. I have seen single parents do a marvelous job and I have seen some who are dreadful. The important differences seems to have less to do with family configurations than the actual members involved.
In the full spectrum of humanity, I think Nick is right on. Give the child love, support and stability and they grow into the healthiest adults they can be. Just recognize going in that, done properly, it will be a helluva lot of work, quite frightening at times, but rewarding beyond measure.
Grannymar said,
November 8, 2011 at 9:43 pm
Conrad - Like marriage partnerships, parenting takes new fresh commitment every day.
When you think about it, these are two of the most important commitments we take on in life, and there is NO TRAINING! Is it any wonder so many fall at the first hurdle?
paulo1 said,
November 9, 2011 at 12:25 am
Just wondering; my last three comments failed to appear, have I been banned ???
Grannymar said,
November 9, 2011 at 8:22 am
paulo1 - Two of your last three comments , were sent to the sin bin because the IP address was incorrect and I was not taking a chance on them. In the past I have had a spammer take and use another commenter’s name, so I am now watchful. The third comment, with correct IP, was allowed and an explanation given. I did by the way, pass on the content information to the person you asked about.
Alice said,
November 16, 2011 at 2:39 am
These were very thoughtful comments. And it’s brave of you to revisit the subject. I have to say that my philosophy of life is to live and let live. Everyone should be free to live their own convictions, as long as they don’t hurt others in the process, or in the instances of partnerships it doesn’t matter to me if they’re gay, parents or not, married or not. Hubby and I were married in 1969. We went through quite a bit of harrassment…and it was nobody’s business buy ours. I was 27 and he was 26, old enough to know what we were doing we thought. It’s last 42 years and counting!
Grannymar said,
November 16, 2011 at 9:18 am
Alice - I am learning as I go along.
In UK a life sentence is 20 years, and you get a third off for good behaviour. Congratulations to you both.
42 years. That is longer than two life sentences!