Grannymar

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”

Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?”

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “How about Viagra?”

Pharmacist: “Of course.”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. We sell the works.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers?”

Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.”

Jacob: “Great, we’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.”

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Thanks Frank, I hope you were not trying this out!

That I should have shared hours ago! Unfortunately, Grannymar is having computer issues today and hasn’t been able to get online. Hopefully her regular blogging with resume soon. I was supposed to put this post up this morning, but unfortunately a busy day in work got the better of me.

Elly

Friday again and the topic for the Loose Blogging Consortium this week was chosen by Gaelikaa.

Secrets

Almost a week late, but you know something….. I have no secrets

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’

She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?’

She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.’

The defence attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,

‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.’

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Thank you Karen for the story today

I have decided to take a break for a few weeks from craft posts.  You may well be aware about the difficulty I am having with fine work recently.  I have known for some time that a cataract was developing in my left eye.  Next week I will be seen at the pre-assessment Ophthalmic clinic.  Personally I find more difficulty with my right eye than the left one.  My glasses need changing but my optician has refused saying that it would be like stealing money out of my pocket.

I have a few projects at various stages but they are on hold for the moment.

I made a couple of purchases recently to encourage me to get going again once I have been sorted and passed fit to play with my needles.

Can you see the magnifying glass?  It has an integrated low energy LED light and is battery operated.  A clip-on clamp allows me to fix it securely on my work desk.  A flexible metal arm means that I can move it as I need to.  The rimless lens is 130mm and gives a good sized view of any area I wish to work on.  I have to thank wisewebwoman for directing me towards the glass.

The interesting mixed yarn holds many possibilities and I do have an idea in mind.  So watch out…. my eyes may be having a rest, but my mind will be ticking away behind the scenes.

This is not a ‘pity me’ post, only an explanation for the pause in needlework, so no sympathy comments please.

I am very fortunate.  Cataract surgery in a simple procedure these days performed in day clinics.  I have seen how it improved my mothers quality of life many years ago and also how hindered my grandmother was because in her day the patient had to wait for the cataract to ‘ripen’ and for granny that never happened.  She was unable to read or enjoy the movies for many years but never actually went blind.

I was listening to the BBC Making History programme a couple of weeks ago and discovered that in 1846 while Charlotte Brontë was writing her most famous novel, Jane Eyre, her father the Reverend Patrick Brontë was undergoing cutting-edge eye surgery to rid him of cataracts that left him almost blind.

The surgery appears almost brutal, with the patient being held by two of the surgeon’s assistants, remember there were no anaesthetics and the procedure entailed the pupil of the eye being pierced by a needle!  In Reverend Brontë’s case it was very effective and the only drawback seemed to be the month-long recovery process during which Reverend Bronte had to lie still on a bed whilst his eyes healed.

I should be home within the hour when my turn comes!  Thank the Lord for medical progress.

Recently I went looking for a new lipstick.

The girls at Beaut.ie would be horrified if they saw my old one.  Yes I did say old one, since I found a colour that suited me I just stuck with it.  It was not the only thing that stuck.  The winder took the huff and refused to work. Twisting from here to Christmas would not bring the lipper to the surface.   In desperation one day I pulled the inner case away from the shell and wound it from there by turning the base.  Brilliant I thought, that will keep me going for another wee while.  It did!

I know you don’t believe me so I will show you!

A lip brush reduced the amount I actually applied to my lips.  I was going great guns.  “I’ll get a few more months out of that” I said to myself, and I did.  That red case looks like it has been in the wars.  Dancing about in various handbags or pockets has certainly knocked the corners off!

We have nearly reached the point of no return.  So off on the shopping spree I went.  I brought old faithful with me because the shade number was still visible on the bottom of the case.  Easy peasy I thought.

Handing it over to the assistant I smiled in hope.  The look on her face told me all.

“How long have you had this?” she asked.  I had to think about that one…..

The memories came flooding back…. It was House of Frazer in Paisley, so long ago that I wonder if the store is still going.  I was having a browse around while Elly was enjoying beauty student sleep!  It was our routine.  I headed out in the mornings and she would call me on the mobile when she surfaced.  Paisley being a small place we both knew every inch.  All I needed to do was tell her the department I was in and she found me in minutes.

On that particular day she walked me out past the cosmetics department.  Suddenly stopping she pulled me over to one of the counters.  Approaching a beautician she asked if she would take a look at her mum and show me the PROPER way to use eye make-up!  At least with my Elly you know where you stand, there is no beating around the bush!

Seeing £££ signs before her eyes the beautician invited me to sit up on the beauty chair.

Always game, I sat into the chair letting those present know that a little improvement was in order…. BUT…. I did not want to walk out of the store looking like a pox doctor’s clerk!

I was gowned, cleaned, toned and moisturised and then the fun began!  All the while Miss Elly was giving orders adding suggestions for looks, colours etc. I was coated in foundation then  eye make-up, blusher, mascara and lipstick were applied.

It was a very pleasant surprise when I actually heard Elly say “Oh no mum!  That is far too much lipstick for you.  Here wipe half of it off quickly!”  So you see some of the things I taught her sunk in!

In the end I came away with a little bag of goodies sure that I would nab a toyboy before the end of the day!

So when did all that happen?  It was November 2001.  Is that a record for one lipstick?

Another trip down Nostalgia Lane…

Beef Stroganoff
Serves 4
600g beef fillet, cut into strips
60 mls Olive oil
2 cloves Garlic crushed
2 onions sliced thinly
200g mushrooms chopped
120 mls Brandy
300 ml Cream
½ Beef Stock Cube
Salt & Pepper

Brown the beef in a pan with the oil on high heat.  Add the garlic, onion, salt & pepper and cook until onion is soft.  Add the mushrooms and brandy, and then light the brandy.  Add the cream and the ½ stock cube, and cook over medium heat until the sauce thickens.  I serve this one over egg noodles, with crusty bread on the side.

County Wicklow

The M50 Motorway (toll road) mirrors the curve of Dublin Bay as it snakes from north, west and south of the city smoothly taking you to County Wicklow.  The dividing line between the two counties is the joined-up Dublin and Wicklow Mountains.  They provide panoramic views of Dublin City and Bay.

Within minutes of leaving that major urban area lovers of the great outdoors can be lost in wonder in the glorious landscape which has inspired poets and artists.  County Wicklow is sometimes known as ‘The Garden of Ireland’ and is renowned for its sea coast beaches and inland lakes, mountains and rivers.  The most wooded county in Ireland one fifth of the land is in forestry. Its National Park embraces 17,000 hectares.

Just 20km from Dublin city centre, Powerscourt House and Gardens in Enniskerry, is a heritage property celebrated and cultivated with its majestic location, formal gardens, waterfall (the highest in Ireland) and a golf course set in exceptional scenic beauty. Powerscourt is open to the public and possesses quality restaurants and high class shopping.

Avoca Village where the popular  BBC series “Ballykissangel” was set. The stunning landscape so impacts the senses it is not hard to appreciate the inspiration Woodenbridge provided for Thomas Moore to pen his famous Irish melody, “The Meeting of the Waters.”

Ardmore Film Studios are situated in the county, its scenery has been used in many famous films.  The list of historic dramas included Excalibur, Brave Heart, King Arthur, Moll Flanders, Michael Collins and the Count of Monte Cristo.

Roundwood is part of the main route from Dublin to Glendalough , at 238 metres above sea level, it is one of the highest villages in Ireland.

The ruins of Glendalough articulate peace and a tangible quietude, they date back to early Christian times.  The area has lakes, high mountains and belongs to a world seeking a refuge from the hassle of life’s frenetic merry-go-round.

Several other gardens of interest include:

I have mentioned The Indian Sculpture Park in a previous post.
Mount Usher Gardens in Ashford
Killruddery House Gardens

For each treasure I have listed, I am sure there are ten more I have failed to mention.  No doubt if I have major omissions my readers will soon let me know.

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship/friendship that was obviously hitting the rocks? A situation that had run its course like an orange.  That wizened looking orange sitting in the bottom of the fruit bowl for so long the juice had dried out.

A genuinely good person, yet what you had once in common seems to have evaporated.  You can read the signs meetings are lack lustre and more out of a sense of routine and politeness.  You get the feeling they wish they were somewhere else.

Not wanting to hurt the other person how do you handle it?

I had an acquaintance once who regularly moved house.  She would never let her new address be known before she was in residence.  Once she was well settled, decorating complete paintings hung and nic-nacs placed, cards with the new address and phone number were  posted.   Not all at once you understand, but in order of the hierarchy of her friends.   Those she no longer wished to call friends were culled from her list.  I watched it happen over many years and moves.  I always thought it an expensive way to go about it.

What do you think?

Time again for the latest episode from the Loose Blogging Consortium.   The topic this week was chosen by Magpie 11

Wacky Ideas: People

The brightly lit building and the buzz of cheerful voices were welcoming as I approached.  It had just turned 8 p.m. and I had recognised some of the parked cars from those in the assembled rows.  I was thankful not to be the first to arrive.

Pushing open the door, the voices went suddenly silent.  Heads turned from me to the opened door directly across for me.  In fact the heads moved from one door to the other in the way spectators do at a Wimbledon tennis final.  The difference being the look on their faces.  At Wimbledon the faces are full of anticipation and excitement, while tonight they were full of disbelief.

Emerging from the door opposite to me were two nuns in full old style habit from their heads to the black laced shoes.  Both tall, with rather masculine gait and six o’clock shadows, they moved to the bar where they perched in comfortable fashion on two high stools.  There were two full pints of Guinness sitting on the bar and they lifted them in unison to take the first swig.  That first swig cleared the first third of their glasses – in fact they drank the liquor with such ease that it looked like it was a nightly ritual!  The problem was that the doorway they walked through had a nameplate.

Suddenly realising my outfit was now the focus of attention I moved slowly to join my friends.  I had felt satisfied with the overall effect when leaving home.  The low U shape of the neckline was trimmed with a short lace ruffle.  This lace appeared at the high waist of the empire line and again on the short puff sleeves and peeped from under the hemline just touching my footwear.  The pink gingham fabric was a perfect match for my soft mules with the swans down bobbles.   On my head I sported a gingham mobcap.

Moving carefully, the flame from the candle and sconce that I carried, flickered in the draught.  I dared not brush up against any of the customers for fear of causing an accident.

As I reached my friends the laughter was all about the nuns emerging from the door marked

FIR which means Gents.

My friend and work colleague Miriam had recently married and was having a house warming party.  She had moved to a new housing estate and felt that the easiest meeting point for all of us was the local lounge/bar.

You guessed it, it was a fancy dress house warming party.

Within the hour everyone had arrived and we prepared to make our way in convoy to the new house.  I had asked if anyone needed transport.  A friend of Miriam’s husband accepted, and we made our way to my car.  As we had not met before the short journey was passed with introductions and how we knew our hosts.  I discovered my passenger was called Mildred, but known as Millie.  Millie’s costume for the evening was sure to win a prize for originality.  In fact it was difficult to decide which part of it belonged to the real Millie.

When we arrived at the house our Hosts were there to greet us and soon we moved to mix and mingle with the other guests.  Several times I found Millie by my side, in fact I seemed to sense her even before I saw her.  Handing me a fresh drink at one stage we sat to continue her earlier chat.  She seemed anxious to share with me the details of her background.  Like me she was adopted within a couple of weeks of birth.  The more I listened the more intrigued I became.  The year, the town, the reasons for adoption – even our colouring was similar.  I knew the when, where and why of my story but no more.

We had similar likes and dislikes.  Millie knew she had a twin sister but never tried to make contact.  By the end of the evening there was no need, we knew that we were long lost siblings.

Millie my sister.