Grannymar

With thanks to Hywel, a teacher, for introducing me to this wonderful school story.

The Middle Wife

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years.

I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid I loved “show-and-tell”. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, ’show-and-tell’ is pretty tame..

Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.   I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it,  they’re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.   She holds up a snapshot of an infant. ‘This is Luke, my baby brother and I’m going to tell you about his birthday.’

‘First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love,  then Dad put a seed in my Moms stomach, and Luke grew in there.  He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.’ She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

‘Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!’  Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.

‘She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’

(Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

‘My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man.

They got my Mom to lie down on the bed like this.’

(Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

‘And then, pop!

My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty.   It just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!’

(This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

‘Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push’ and ‘breathe, breathe.   They started counting, but never even got past ten.

Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother.  He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said was from Mom’s play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there.

When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there’

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I’m sure I applauded the loudest.   Ever since then, when it’s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ‘Middle Wife’ comes along

With all the miserable and cold weather we need a little light relief.

A hat is a necessary item of apparel to keep in the heat.  So today I have a hat for you.

This hat has a story to it.  I was expecting a guest to stay for a few days.  It was a first trip to Northern Ireland and he was teasing me for weeks about being chauffeur driven about for the duration.  Plans were made, meals prepared concert tickets booked and time allowed for sight seeing and eating out.

The day of arrival dawned and I was at the appointed airport in good time.  The flight arrived and the passengers came through baggage reclaim.  My guest was one of the last to reach the concourse.  His bag was slow to clear.  Once the greetings were out of the way we headed for my car.

Opening the boot/trunk to load the small suitcase, I removed a carrier bag.  As the gentleman settled into the the passenger seat, I climbed in behind the steering wheel.  Before turning the ignition key I set my chauffeurs hat on my head!

Very professional with a Crest to boot!

Not bad for an hours work.

So how did I do it?  The crown was a circle cut with a dinner plate as template on heavy interfacing and an off-cut of black serge,,, nothing but the best for me! :lol:  A second circle the same size was used to cut a 3inch band for the under crown strip.  I then measured round my small head for the hat band and covered a double layer of the interfacing with fabric.  I used some green fabric to line the hat and finished the look with a bought crest that was in my work-box for a couple of years.

The hat is looking a little battered these days something to do with being pushed into the back of a cupboard for the last five years.  It served its purpose and proved a conversation piece, now a reminder of a very pleasant few days.

Friend (F): Did you not go out tobogganing?

Me (M): LOL! I went ice skating instead. Snow is for young people, I was out for 30 mins today and an hour on 29th Dec.

(F): You won’t break any records with that!

(M): I don’t want to break anything.

(F): I Don’t blame you.

(M): I stood at the front door several times in the last week and my chest felt it was in a vice, it was not good I can tell you.

(F): Did you go out in the car today?

(M): A friend drove me. It is still very icy here.

(F): A toyboy????

(M): Not this time.

(F): Aaaw!

(M): My little neighbour has a bad chest infection and her water pipes are frozen. I took her down a large jug of water.

(F): Did you hear we’re facing water shortages here in Dublin?

(M): Nothing surprises me any more.

(F): Due to silly people running taps to stop pipes freezing plus breaks in water pipes!

(M): My sister has frozen water pipes – it is outside the house somewhere.

(F): Water pressure has been reduced around Dublin to conserve supply.

(M): Our water pressure is always reduced automatically in the winter months.

(F): We’ve lost internet connection here tonight.

(M): Remember how life was when we were young?

(F): I grew up in old house with no central heating only open fires.

(M): We have become so attached to the internet and central heating, how did we manage years ago? RTE 1 Television [only one station] - from 6pm to midnight or a radio the size of a wardrobe.  No mobile phones or computers, sitting round an open fire with our fronts scorched and our backs frozen! Shins covered in abc’s.  If you went out to get more coal, someone stole your warm seat!

(F): I remember it well. We had stone hot jars too for bedtime, jaysus, it makes me feel ancient! We had to put them in beds to stop them (beds) getting damp.

(M): Yeah, those days were awful. Frost on the inside of the windows, you got dressed to get into bed and then undressed and dressed again under the bedclothes in the morning! Oh! I remember not wanting to sit on the loo seat because it was so cold!

(F): ROFLOL!

(M): Stop laughing, it was no joke.

(F): You are telling me!  I still perch on one cheek sometimes ‘cos of the cold!

(M): I became a dab hand at sitting on my knickers.

(F): I dare you put that in a blog post.

(M): I will too! In the morning.

The moral of the story is never dare me to do something!

Breakfast Surprise

I am not a great lover of Christmas, but one of the memories that will remain in my heart was the breakfast cooked by my son-in-law for all of us on Boxing St Stephen’s Day (well… I was in the south of Ireland remember!).

A bitterly cold morning was soon forgotten as we tucked into his very own, made from the ground up  Yee- Haw Yankee Breakfast Pancakes.  With yummy Blueberries.

I recognise that plate and I want more pancakes!

The only sounds were “Pass the Maple Syrup please” and “Any more ready yet, Uncle George?”  From seven to Seventy there were happy faces all around the table.

So today I am feeling lazy and instead of typing out the recipe I suggest you click on the link and join in George’s new adventure at Not Junk Food .  There will be plenty more to come.  I know.  I have been a guinea pig in the past few months.

Huh!  They were blaming me because they lost weight. Seriously though, they have both lost weight, look and feel better and are eating far more healthily.

Today seems to have slipped by without noticing.  I spent quite some time talking on the phone, Skype and MSN with family. From the extreme 43C in Melbourne to the icy and snow covered roads in the North East of England.

Alice, who I wrote about last Sunday in The end of an ERA, still awaits cremation.  It is now due to take place on Tuesday next.  The extreme weather will not alone prevent Elly, George and I from attending; but some of Alice’s sons in the south are stranded also.

Those members of the family who managed to gather last night have come up with a very thoughtful idea.

Once the bad weather has abated and temperatures thawed, the family plan to hold a Memorial Service of thanksgiving for Alice’s Life.  It will be followed by a meal and party of celebration.  Now that idea I like.  It will be great for Elly to strenghten the bonds with her dad’s family.  I hear they have some wonderful old photos to show us.  I can’t wait.

First we had Frosty the Snowman.

Next it was a Winter Wonderland….

So I waited…

And waited…

I’m still waiting…

Where is the Knight on a White or even Black Charger (at least that way I might see him) to rescue me?

Another week of the Loose Blogging consortium our members include Anu, Ashok, Conrad, Gaelikaa, Ginger Haag, Grannymar Helen, Judy, Magpie 11, Maria, & Ramana.  For various reasons there may be a couple of absentees this week.

Our topic was chosen by Ginger

Quest

From the moment I discovered our topic for today a song has been running through my head.

In this song composed by Mitch Leigh, the lyrics are by Joe Darion for Man of La Mancha, Quixote explains his quest and the reasons behind it

To dream … the impossible dream …
To fight … the unbeatable foe …
To bear … with unbearable sorrow …
To run … where the brave dare not go …
To right … the unrightable wrong …
To love … pure and chaste from afar …
To try … when your arms are too weary …
To reach … the unreachable star …

This is my quest, to follow that star …
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far …
To fight for the right, without question or pause …
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause …

And I know if I’ll only be true, to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie will lie peaceful and calm,
when I’m laid to my rest …
And the world will be better for this:
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach … the unreachable star …

Well, I am not a man, or scorned and covered with scars, but that should not prevent me from having courage to reach for an unreachable star.  Now which star would it be……

I was never one to chase rainbows( although a rainbow chased us one day) or travel the world in search of treasure like Santiago, a young shepherd in Paulo Coelho’s novel The Alchemist.  First written in Portuguese and translated to into 67 languages, I never actually saw why it was thought to be such a wonderful book.  Why wander the world for what is right there on your own doorstep?  I had spent my early life listening to the phrase ‘The grass is greener far away’!

It is not you know, hop over the stile and if you look at the grass with open seeing eyes…. it will be the same.  The colour comes from within your heart.  I am happy for my heart to lie peaceful and calm as I enjoy the important things in life - my family and friends!

A Collection of Canes, I wonder if that is the correct term.

See you at 3pm GMT!  That can mean Greenwich Mean Time or Grannymar time!

Well it is Friday, and the LBC are busy preparing for your visit.

AN IRISH BLONDE IN A CASINO

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.

She said, ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude’.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, ‘Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!’

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed…’YES! YES! I WON, I WON!’

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, ‘What did she roll?’

The other answered,
‘I don’t know - I thought you were watching.’

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are drunks,
not all blondes are dumb,
but all men…are men.

For the life of me, I have no recollection of who sent this to me.

If I embroidered handkerchiefs, it would be the perfect week to use them.  Instead I am working my way through yet another box of the paper variety.   Well ’tis the season to be… coughing, spluttering and croaking!  I’ll live and the regular hot port with lemon and honey is slipping down nicely thank you and certainly keeping my spirits up!

What better way to find distraction than with a little gentle weaving.

No, I do not need any large machinery, all these samples were done by hand, sitting comfortably in an armchair with my workbox by my side.

The base/backing was rug canvas. with two different treatments.

On the left I used left over gift wrap ribbons threaded by hand, leaving some of the canvas as part of the design.

On the right torn strips of fabric were stitched through using a bodkin.

The blue piece is sequin offcut with purchased felt, cut in strips and again threaded through with a bodkin.

Now I need to replenish my fluids and to check on the falling snow.

Well, I do have another excuse to take it easy to day, after all it is Nollaig na mBan - “Little Christmas” - or “Women’s Christmas” as my mother used to call it - always on January 6th.

So to all women out there Enjoy your day!