Thursday Special ~ The Middle Wife
With thanks to Hywel, a teacher, for introducing me to this wonderful school story.
The Middle Wife
I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years.
I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid I loved “show-and-tell”. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, ’show-and-tell’ is pretty tame..
Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. ‘This is Luke, my baby brother and I’m going to tell you about his birthday.’
‘First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, then Dad put a seed in my Moms stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.’ She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
‘Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!’ Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.
‘She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’
(Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
‘My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man.
They got my Mom to lie down on the bed like this.’
(Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)
‘And then, pop!
My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty. It just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!’
(This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
‘Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push’ and ‘breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten.
Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said was from Mom’s play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there.
When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there’
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it’s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ‘Middle Wife’ comes along
Rummuser said,
January 14, 2010 at 7:09 am
If Hywel had sent that to me, I would have posted it. What a wonderful story. Thanks for publishing this.
steph said,
January 14, 2010 at 10:27 am
Phew! I’m glad it was an uncomplicated birth!
That’s a fantastic tale!
Maynard said,
January 14, 2010 at 12:31 pm
Every women who has had a baby would enjoy that story. I’m going to pass it on to my daughter who has just experinced child birth.
The baby’s name, for those who do not know, is Mackenzie Paige and is doing fine. (4 weeks old)
Ralph Smith said,
January 14, 2010 at 12:34 pm
Wonderful story.
Thanks for sharing!
Ralph
Magpie11 said,
January 14, 2010 at 1:04 pm
A good story…. now to show lady magpie…she’ll be jealous of such an uncomplicated birth.
Nick said,
January 14, 2010 at 2:00 pm
Hilarious. I would love to have been there. The umbrella cord conjures up some wonderful images. It keeps the baby dry, anyway.
Grannymar said,
January 14, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Ramana - it is indeed wonderful and the tears run down my face just thinking about it.
Steph - I am sure the teacher was too!
Maynard - I hope Jess enjoys the story. It is good to hear that Mackenzie Paige is doing so well.
Ralph - Welcome to the playground, glad you enjoyed the story.
Magpie - I hope Lady magpie sees the funny side of the story.
Nick - I will never be able to look at an umbrella again without thinking of this story!
wisewebwoman said,
January 14, 2010 at 3:28 pm
Oh I wish my birth experience had been like that, HA!
wonderful story, I love life seen through the eyes of a child. so uncomplicated.
XO
WWW
kimme said,
January 14, 2010 at 4:41 pm
That was the cutest story! Kids are great, aren’t they! I have to
remind myself of that occasionally with a teen age daughter
in the house.
~kimme
Brighid said,
January 14, 2010 at 5:30 pm
I have a feeling that the Great Mother gives us children so we can see. Loved this post, thank you for sharing.
Darlene said,
January 14, 2010 at 6:13 pm
I love this story and posted it on my blog some time ago. I think it is my favorite childhood story and I laugh every time I read it.
Grannymar said,
January 14, 2010 at 6:32 pm
WWW - Children see life without the frills.
Kimme - The teenage years, a preparation for leaving the nest, will pass quicker than you think.
Brighid - Young children show us life from a different level.
Maynard said,
January 14, 2010 at 7:42 pm
My Jess was a pistol in her teenage years. Now she is a mother herself. I’m sure that she will be more strick with her children than we were with her. And Grannymar you are right, those teenage years fly by. If you can Kimme, enjoy every minute.
Baino said,
January 14, 2010 at 8:21 pm
Haha started my Friday just right. I think it’s a shame that home birthing is so rare these days. Kids just don’t know where baby’s come from and the middle wife is rarely seen. Great yarn!
Grannymar said,
January 14, 2010 at 8:52 pm
Maynard - the teenage years are there so the parents can earn their stripes.
Baino - I think the idea of home birthing is catching on again. Mind you I was happy enough to avail of hospital facilities.
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Maynard said,
January 14, 2010 at 10:07 pm
I have a Mid-wife, as they are called in Pa. , as a client. The Buggy Mennonites and the Amish use the mid-wives to deliver their babies.
She has shared many stories with me about her deliveries with them. Very interesting.
I always know when the Buggy Menninite ladies are pregnant. They start walking up and down the road, because the mid-wife has told them to start excercising.
Grannymar, if the teenage years are there for the parents to earn their “stripes”, then my stripes have turned my skin solid. I want to thank my daughter jessica and my son Tyler for that. I love you kids.
Grannymar said,
January 15, 2010 at 10:01 am
Maynard,
It is wonderful when the teenagers grow up and become our REAL friends.
kimme said,
January 15, 2010 at 11:49 am
Maynard.. I will do my best to enjoy the moments that
I can and put aside the difficult ones.:)
Grannymar.. I sure hope she does grow up to be my
real friend. She can be so much fun when not acting like
a drama-teen
~kimme
Grannymar said,
January 15, 2010 at 1:50 pm
Darlene - How did I miss you yesterday? Put it down to a senior moment. Some of there stories are evergreen and take the retelling. Glad you enjoyed it again.
Kimme - Be patient and give it time…………….. or send her away to University and change the locks! It works!
Margaret Kilgore said,
January 19, 2010 at 2:05 pm
Great story! My great grandmother was a midwife here in Kansas and my grandmother used to go along to help with the birth. She had some stories to tell, but they must not have been as cute as this one, because all I can remember is being asked (along with the other children) to leave the room.
Oh, Maynard, I’m here to tell you, it’s so rewarding when your kids have teenagers! The grandpa/grandma job becomes so important, because the kids have a tendency to forget what they put you through and you get to remind them! I personally love the opportunity to start a conversation with “I can remember when your Dad……..”
Grannymar said,
January 19, 2010 at 2:58 pm
Margaret - I don’t even remember my younger siblings being born. Mind you I was away on holiday when my sister, the baby of the family arrived. The first I knew about her was when I cam home and she was almost a month old! I was E I G H T!