Grannymar

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.

She said, ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude’.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, ‘Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!’

As the 20 dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down, boobs bouncing, and squealed…’YES!  YES! I WON, I WON!’

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, ‘What did she roll?’

The other answered,

‘I don’t know - I thought you were watching.’

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish drink.

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Not all blondes are dumb.

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But all men…………..are predictable.

When Elly was at College I often deposited money into her bank account. I was always asked for the account information and disliked having to give details within hearing of all the other customers. I saved the required account numbers as a text message in my mobile phone and handed it over when required. That way only the teller and I knew them.

Oven Cleaning - Make a paste of 1 cup of white washing powder and 6 fl ozs of white vinegar. Heat the oven to 180°C for about five minutes. Turn the oven off cover the inside in the paste, leave for 1 hour and all the gunge should rinse off easily.

To hide nicks or scratches in furniture find the matching coloured crayon and rub it on the scratch working the wax into the nick.

To restore a shine to Vinyl Floors add 1 tablespoon of starch to the water when washing floors.

When cooking cauliflower add a couple of wedges of lemon into the saucepan, when cooked, remove lemon pieces and cauliflower will be white. The lemon reduces the odour as well

Yesterday on my Food Monday the topic was sandwiches, and Nancy’s comment gave me an idea….

On a visit to Dublin many moons ago with a very young Elly my sister took her young niece out for a little treat.  Collecting a couple of her friend’s young daughters on the way they headed to the newly opened local branch of McDonalds.   The other young ladies were familiar with the routine and quickly decided on their order.  Miss Elly hung back, she did not know the routine and back then she had good manners, I have no idea what happened in the mean time!!

Not really in the habit of fast food she settled for a Milk Shake.  This slipped down with great ease and enjoyment.  All to soon Elly was drawing in noisy bubbles of emptiness and enjoying the fun of it.  My sister asked the magic question… “Would you like another one”?  Assured that she did not need to drink it right away but that she could take it home to Nana’s house for later, the answer was a definite Yes!

The menu was checked, decision made and the party returned to the counter.  When their turn came Miss Elly piped up with her order, to this her Aunt added in a bag.   Elly froze!  She was used to her dad’s obsessive tidiness and pride in a clean car….

“IN A BAG!” she said incrediously, wondering how anyone could carry a Milk Shake home in a bag.

She learned.  She enjoyed, and was never allowed forget it!

Sometimes my lunch is based on two slices of bread.  The variety of bread varies time about:-

Wheaten

Muesli

Veda (Malt)

Ciabatta

Olive

Rye

Walnut

Wholemeal

Crusty French stick

Unlike my mother before me I do not dress the bread with half a pound of butter. The very thought is enough to turn my stomach. In order to keep a filling from falling all over the table a scraping of moisture is necessary and in my case it varies depending on the filling.

The base coat can be

• Chutney
• Stewed fruit
• Mayonnaise
• Juice from grilled bacon (never fried)
• Marmalade or jam

Suggested fillings.

Avocado mashed with a few drops of lemon juice and freshly ground black, topped with a tomato & salad onion salsa. A personal favourite.

Hard boiled egg & onion

Smoked salmon with lemon juice on wheaten

Grilled bacon

Tuna & sweet-corn

BLT – Warm grilled bacon & tomato with lettuce

Pineapple & cheese

Sliced beetroot & black pepper

Sliced Tomato with chopped salad onion and basil

For those with a sweet tooth,,,

Sliced desert apple and Mars bar

Chocolate Hazelnut spread with mashed banana or sliced pear

Do you have a favourite sambo?

Being a cold creature I never had an interest in outdoor sport, either as a participant or spectator.  If I ever saw a ball come in my direction I ducked or ran in the opposite direction.

I did try indoor bowling at one stage, alas my bowls were drawn to the stick with a great magnetic force.  This action provided great laughter and fun for the other players in the first few weeks, but once the novelty wore off I felt duty bound to retire as I was rather a drag for any team.

At another stage I joined a local group for Aerobics, that too went by the wayside because I always ended up feeling out of breath, unwell and raw down through the inner tubes.  My most energetic exercise was while taking a very young Elly to primary school - We jogged, skipped or hopped the whole way (almost 2 miles) every morning.

While rebuilding a life on my own I joined a rambling club and it was ideal; exercise, fresh air and fellowship.  We had a planned programme produced twice a year and members were encouraged to plan and lead a walk.  The summer programme took us further afield and I enjoyed the opportunity of visiting places not generally open to the public.

I did lead a few winter walks in my general locallity, and we finished with the whole group coming home with me for afternoon tea.  I did try going back to the group, but alas I found my heart or legs objected and I would have to return to the car early.  Someone always insisted on returning with me and I felt guilty because they were out there for the walk and not to play nursemaid to me.  So I gave the rambling a miss.

In the past couple of years I have devised my own way to exercise… and NO, it does not involve Toyboys!  I play my music, which varies to the time of day and my mood.  While happily listening I give a very good impression of Daniel Barenboim.  It always seemed to improve my mood and bring a smile to my face.  It was only the other day that I discovered why.

I was taking part in a sport without realising it.  I was actually doing what my Granny taught us to do many a long year ago.  We would follow her in single file around the garden singing at the top of our voices and waving our arms.

I was actually J’ARMing.

So what exactly is J’ARMing, you may ask. In a nutshell, J’ARMing is short for (j)ogging with the (arm)s—the sweeping motion orchestra conductors make with their arms as they lead the musicians. Conductors have known about the benefits of their baton-waving arm movements for years, and they live…and live…and live to prove it. In fact, great symphony orchestra conductors live, on average, five years longer than the general population. They are healthier in both mind and body than others their age.

Several years ago, the Metropolitan Life Insurance Company published its findings of a longevity study of conductors. In examining 437 active and former conductors, researchers reported that mortality among conductors was 38 percent below their contemporaries in the general population. How’s that for some incentive to J’ARM?

Fortunately, there is a bit of a conductor inside each of us; we just need to re-tap our childhood memories and actions. Think back to your childhood for a moment. Many of us marched around our parents’ living room pretending to lead a marching band or a large orchestra. We would hoist our arms high in the air and march around to the music, or dance with all limbs—arms and legs.

So go on give it a try it will:

Improved posture
Muscle strength and flexibility
Improved blood circulation
Better balance Weight loss
A gentle shoulder and back massage
Reduction of your physiological and mental ages
A positive attitude and readiness for laughter
A “wash” for your brain that removes annoying distractions and makes you smarter
Higher self-esteem
Elevation of endorphins and other feel-good brain chemicals
For stroke patients, it may help re-connect some of the injured neural pathways

I love the little mini business cards from Moo.com and I have used them since autumn 2007.

As per usual I learned about them from Elly.  She has used them on many an occasion.  She has them for personal & business cards, she used them inside wedding invitations for details of Gift registry, as Christmas Cards and for change of address & phone numbers to notify her relations and friends when she moved into her new home.  For the latter she added a narrow magnetic strip so folks could keep the details to hand on the fridge!

When the young pair were gadding about Europe on their funny honeymoon I had to find ways to amuse myself since I did not have them to annoy talk to.  So I turned to investigate MOO.  The mini cards came in bundles of 100 and the more bundles you bought the cheaper the cards became.

So you pick an image from stock or a photo from your own collection and size it down.  It is possible to pick a different image for each of the 100 cards :!:  Now that was a little ambitious for me, so I picked one photo I liked from the day of Elly & George’s wedding and used it for all the cards.

You then add up to 6 lines of text on the reverse of the card, selecting your own fonts & colours.  The site walks you through the process and the order and payment are completed online.  Normally they arrive very quickly.  MOO is based in London, England, where they print and hand-pack everything for global delivery.  A recent newsletter announced the eminent arrival of an office in the US.

Well my cards were running out!  STOP LAUGHING DOWN THE BACK YOU TEKKIES!  I had handed out almost 100 mini MOOs since Podcamp 2007 and 09 Bloggies were coming up fast.  So I planned my order.  Alas I left it rather late and the cards arrived after my trip to Cork.

So did I repeat my previous order?  I ordered another 100 with a different image on the front!

So what do you think of them this time?

Now I wonder….. would the MOO card image make a nice header for my blog?  Maybe Magpie might teach me!

Do you share your D&Cs?

Calm down Steph, I am not talking about medical procedures since that is your area of expertise.

I am talking about these:

Debit & Credit Cards

Magpie wrote an interesting and amusing post on reasons for the banking crisis.  Among the comments Ramana left a link to a very thought provoking article from The New York Times about unpaid debts of the deceased.  It is well worth a read.

Now I wonder….

Would you pay up for fear of dear great aunt Matilda haunting you if you didn’t?

Anyone know what the up to date probate laws are in Ireland?

New Alphabet

A is for apple, and B is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won’t float!
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let’s be a bit more realistic instead.

The NewAlphabet

A’s for arthritis;
B’s the bad back,
C’s the chest pains,
Perhaps car-d-iac?

D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can’t read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I’d rather not mention.

H.. High blood pressure–I’d rather it low;
I .. For incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won’t mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L’s for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, bones that don’t grow!

P for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
Just give me a pill and I’ll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S is  for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow;
V for vertigo, that’s ‘dizzy,’ you know.

W for worry, NOW what’s going ’round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y for another year I’m left here behind,
Z is for zest I still have– in my mind.

I’ve survived all the symptoms, my body’s deployed, and
I’m keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!!!

If it is Wednesday then it mut be time again for Handy Hints.

You will be pleased to know that I have sorted myself out this week and the only Toyboy I am chasing today is Tobias my laptop!  So down to business in earnest then with 5 more good ideas.

Wool carpets. A burning cigarette or a spark from an open fire only leaves a small scorch mark. Remove this mark with a brush or rub it with a coin.

If a drawer is stiff to open or close, remove it and rub the ledge or runners with either a bar of soap or a candle.  Replace the drawer and it should move freely.

To Hang Posters on the wall just put a little dab of non gel tooth paste on each corner of the poster and a few in between on the edges. Put your poster up and it will stick like magic. When you get ready to remove it will come off easily with no holes.

Unwaxed dental floss can also be used to truss poultry or to tie up rolled pieces of meat or bacon in cooking.

And finally as they say….

White vinegar diluted in warm to hot water, makes an excellent mouth wash

March was a month I always looked forward to for many reasons.

The days were stretching and the worst of the winter was over and signs of spring were everywhere.  Buds appeared on trees and shrubs and the flowers popped their tiny heads above ground level to show us they survived all that the winter had thrown at them.

The religious season of Lent always seemed to cover the month so as a young lady it involved fast and abstinence.  One full meal and two collations was the norm for the forty days.  For the collations fish & or eggs were allowed, but no more than four ounces!  The fasting was between these meals and the only exception was to have a cup of tea or coffee and two plain biscuits!  The law of abstinence required a Catholic from 14 years of age until death to abstain from eating meat on Fridays in honor of the Passion of Jesus on Good Friday.

The first three of us in the family were unlucky enough to have birthdays during lent.  The middle guy of those three was late Feb so sometimes missed the cut.  Lenten birthdays were celebrated with a special meal (cake with a candle in it) on the nearest Sunday evening!  Since two of us had birthdays in March just two days apart, we even shared the one cake!  What was I saying about abstinence?

Back in those far off days before Hallmarkfests we were lucky to get one birthday card from all the family.  It never saw a stamp or Post Office since the last person going to bed left it in the hall below the letterbox!

The Hi-light of the month was St Patrick’s Day, feast of our Patron Saint and a national holiday.  The penetential fasting was lifted for the day and a fatted calf turkey, ham or joint of pork was roasted with all the trimmings, anyone would think we had not seen food since Christmas!  For the folks who had abstained from chocolate for the duration, St Pat’s Day was a welcome break.

I never remember going to see a Parade in my young life - I was probably in the kitchen peeling a ton of spuds for the big feast.  Parades were for other people.

When I moved to Northern Ireland the St Patrick’s Day parade had political connotations so I kept well away.  It was a normal working day here and Miss Elly had to attend school.

The celebrations always seemed a little over the top in New York with green beer, three quarters of the Irish Government in attendance and every Tom, Dick and Uncle Harry wearing a chest full of weeds.

In recent years the celebrations have returned to Irish soil and that is where the Patron should be remembered.  This year we have again, the Irish St Patrick’s Festival it runs from 12th to 17th March 2009.  Pixie has been working with the organizers on a huge photo sharing project to help document this year’s festival in photos from the perspective of those attending.

The aim is to invite everyone bringing their camera to this year’s events to contribute their photos to the official St Patrick’s Festival group so that the experience can be shared with people from all over the world.

Besides all the above, Marcus from Pix.ie has announced a fantastic opportunity for Photographers, Photobloggers and Bloggers in association with The Saint Patricks Day Festival organisers, Canon and The Guinness Storehouse.

To make things a little more interesting, we’ve created a competition and will be selecting three lucky winners whose photos capture the spirit of the festival. Canon have very kindly offered to sponsor some of the best prizes we’ve seen in a photo competition and with a total value of just under €1,800, these are very generous prizes!!!

• 1st Prize – Canon EOS 1000D digital SLR camera, Selphy ES3 photo printer, 150 Euro photography training course, adding memory card and photo printing paper. Total value €1,050
• 2nd Prize – Powershot E1 digital camera and Selphy ES3 photo printer. Total Value €480
• 3rd Prize – Selphy ES3 photo printer. Total Value €240

Not only are they giving away these beauties from Canon, but Marcus has managed to get lots of ways for photographers to take some pictures from special locations, and after all that hard work the reward is  inviting a group of photobloggers to the Guinness Storehouse for a pint of the black stuff.

Woo hoo to Marcus and the team at Pix.ie, for all the effort

Since my new motto is:- The only way to have a friend is to be one and the only way to enjoy a party is to join in!  I am joining in with my entry for the competition.

I am all dressed up and ready to go… wearing my bow on my hair.  You will have to take my word for it, it is a green Bow & dress,  I know because my mother told me many, many times over the years and the photo was taken long before we had colour films or digital cameras.

No, I didn’t take the picture myself I am not Rebecca