Wise What?
This is the time of year we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men went to see the baby Jesus and according to the Book of Matthew, “presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh”.
These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important theological fact: There is no mention of wrapping paper. If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so:
“And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary sayeth unto him, she sayeth,
“Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year! “And Joseph did rolleth his eyes. And verily, the baby Jesus was much more interested in the paper than, for example, the frankincense.”
But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were not wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:
1. They were wise.
2. They were men.
Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off.
John might attempt to wrap gifts, but because of some defect in his motor skills, he can never completely wrap them. He can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it in the exact centre of a piece of wrapping paper the size of an Olympic Stadium, but when he is finished fluffing folding and taping, you can still see the end of the gift peeping out. If he had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the pharaoh’s body would be covered only, in true Plue Peter sytle, by sticky back plastic!
On the other hand, if you give a woman a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a cruise ship in it. Many women actually like wrapping things. If they give you a gift that requires batteries, they wrap the batteries separately, which to some people is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.
Gift-wrapping is one of those skills - like having babies - that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am presenting gift-wrapping tips for men:
Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it’s myrrh.
If you’re giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning.
For example your wife says: Why is there a bulging bin bag under the tree?
You reply: It’s a gift! See? It has a bow!
Remember that the important thing is not what you give or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.
Wishing You a Christmas of trouble free wrapping!
steph said,
December 23, 2008 at 8:36 am
Grannymar,
Hilarious!
And Steph did rolleth her eyes
p.s. You should tell Matthew to try speech therapy for that lisp!
Frank said,
December 23, 2008 at 8:41 am
If you’re giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning.
elly parker said,
December 23, 2008 at 9:32 am
If they give you a gift that requires batteries, they wrap the batteries separately, which to some people is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.
Aw gawd… guilty as charged and they’re already both wrapped and sitting under the tree!!!
Sharon said,
December 23, 2008 at 10:05 am
Brilliant batteries observation!
I wrap presents last thing on Christmas Eve and then they go under the tree. My boy just couldn’t possibly resist ripping them all open if they were on display. They’d be calling him to him like ciggies to a smoker, “come on, I might be hiding a cuckoo clock!”
Not that smokers are addicted to cuckoo clocks or anything. I’m just not great at metaphors.
d@\/e said,
December 23, 2008 at 10:06 am
Thank God I haven’t found any ‘Christmas bubble wrap’ I’d be popping until New Years Day and never get anything wrapped.
Happy Christmas Grannymar
Daily Spud said,
December 23, 2008 at 10:08 am
Yay verily, soundeth to me like you doth got yon Christhmath all wrappeth up there, Grannymar
(while wise lads in some quarters would say dat’s bleedin’ wrappeth, dat is!)
Louise said,
December 23, 2008 at 11:21 am
Hi Grannymar,
I just read the EXACT article written by Dave Barry and republished on the Miami Herald site this week.
http://www.miamiherald.com/living/columnists/dave-barry/story/804495.html
I am a regular reader - and enjoy your blog very much - but this is the first time I felt I just had to comment….
Geri Atric said,
December 23, 2008 at 11:36 am
Hahahaha! How trueth!
Not to mention how they standeth before you (2 mins. before midnight on Christmas Eve) hiding a carrier bag behind their back and asking bewilderedly if you’ve got any ‘left over’ wrapping paper - ‘cus they’ve forgotten to buy it anyway! (I’ve packed my own presents in before now)!
Ah bless them! They cannot helpeth it.
Ian said,
December 23, 2008 at 11:41 am
Sure, and isn’t imitation the sincerest form of flattery?
Do you know, the Bible does not say there were three, or that they were wise, or that they were men?
I point this out to kids at primary school and they think I am winding them up - read Matthew 2:1-11!
Primal Sneeze said,
December 23, 2008 at 12:33 pm
I bought someone a domain name. How in hell do I wrap that?
Grannymar said,
December 23, 2008 at 12:37 pm
@Steph - It was funny, I thought so when I first read it earelier this month when it was floating about in emails.
@Frank - Thanks for the comment and good idea. Since there is no advertising on MY blog I have deleted your URL.
@Elly - Are you unwell
Wrapped and under the tree already! 
@Sharon - At least cuckoo clocks don’t need batteries!
@D@\/e - Thanks, I hope you are all wrapped up and ready.
@Spud - My Christmas was easily wrapped this year!
@Louise - Welcome on board and glad you enjoy the fun. Most of these stories find their way round the globe faster than Santa via email nowadays. I received different versions of it from several people.
@Geri - We love our men faults and all!
@Ian - I thought you would come back with that piece
@Primal - Try putting a bow on it or sprinkle it with snow!
wisewebwoman said,
December 23, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Yeah, those email words hit my box quite a few times!!!!
Since we don’t do Christmas, I feel so happy that they are no longer frantic and stressful.
As to wrapping, I break the mould, my prezzies always look thrown together by my dog with her lack of opposing thumbs!!
Best to you and yours, GM, you are a delight!
XO
WWW
chrisb said,
December 23, 2008 at 6:16 pm
I’m still laughing- Hope you have a lovely Christmas.
Grannymar said,
December 23, 2008 at 8:17 pm
@WWW - Thanks for your greeting. I have always had a quiet simple Christmas.
One thing I do is wrap a neat parcel! The mistake that most people make it to use to much paper. If you cut it to size first it helps.
Enjoy the holiday no matter how you choose to spend it!
Grannymar said,
December 23, 2008 at 8:19 pm
ChrisB,
Glad it made you laugh. Thanks for the good wishes.
I wish you, Embee, Granny and all the family a healthy and fun filled Christmas.
Baino said,
December 23, 2008 at 9:03 pm
I’m an excellent wrappa yo! Fo shizzle!
This year all silver and blue although the Super Soaker’s were a challenge! I am very proud to say that my son has inherited his mother’s gift wrapping skilz and has managed a tolerable effort this year although I do recognise a couple of the gift bags from my cupboard! Little thief. Merry Christmas Grannymar, it’s Christmas eve here and the berry trifle has begun! As for wise men? Now THAT’s as big an oxymoron as English Cuisine!
Grannymar said,
December 23, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Baino,
Mammies are always good for gift wrap and tags.
Now sip that berry trifle slowly!
Enjoy the craic and the party. Merry Christmas to one and all.
Today was like a spring day here, long may it last.
Magpie11 said,
December 23, 2008 at 9:55 pm
Tell me: Who is responsible for bringing up these inadequate men?
I go to shops where they say, “Would you like that gift wrapped, sir?” or else they come ready wrapped as a matter of course!
Failing that I do enjoy the challenge of wrapping pressies….but then I also enjoy flower arranging and wearing ties!
It’s writing cards weeks early that I hate!
Magpie11 said,
December 23, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Baino…..we call it English cooking…we let the French stick to “cuisine”! ;-0
Darragh said,
December 24, 2008 at 9:38 am
Ha ha. Brilliant! Made me literally LOL. I think I frightened poor Niamh.
grace said,
December 29, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Ian
checked your comments re bible does not say three, wise or men
in Matthew 2:1-11.
Wise men is mentioned in Matthew 2:1,7 and 16 but three isn’t.