When to help
I wrote a few weeks ago about my experiences while out shopping, I described a fellow shopper who was trying on a beautiful coat. She did as we all do on such occasions, button up the coat and stand in front of a mirror, twisting this way and that to try and see the back before walking up and down the floor to get the ‘feel’ of the garment. In a high class store there are normally several mirrors strategically placed to allow us a proper back view of any garment. Alas the shop where I was that day had only the one mirror and it was on the shop floor and not in the fitting room. The assistant was pushing hard to sell the coat by telling the woman how much it suited her; perhaps it was the first hope of a badly needed sale that day, required to fill a target.
The coat would have looked well on me but I had no interest in, or intention of, buying it. I was at least eight inches taller, a slimmer build and thanks to my mother’s bony pointed finger poked in my back on a regular basis to remind me to stand up straight, could carry off the style. The little lady now sporting it was a victim of middle age spread; she was not fat but very well insulated from the cold and any thought of a waistline just a memory. The coat almost touched her ankles and fit where it hit! Alas around her waist area it sat at the back like a concertina and she was unable to see this. A size larger might have helped but it was the only one available in that style. The friend she had with her was not much help either; she seemed totally bored with the whole thing! Her only suggestion was “You could move the buttons”. Moving buttons is not as simple as it sounds; it can change the whole line of a garment and if not done professionally it can ruin an outfit!
I wanted to scream! This type of selling is a major FAIL both for the customer and the establishment! When the customer got home she would realise the coat was ill fitting and it would be relegated to keeping the wardrobe warm! She would blame the sales lady for the bad advice and never darken the door of the shop again. I hovered for a few minutes and realised that the woman wanted it to fit; indeed she willed it to fit, I knew that my intrusion would not be welcome so I bit my tongue and went on my way.
I have in the past spoken up and it was appreciated. Once I watched a woman, again much shorter than I am, try on a picture hat. From the gaggle of girls around her I realised she was a ‘Mother of the Bride’! One of the girls had a dress & coat ensemble draped over her arm. The hat was identical in colour and it had a very large brim and MOB was wearing it plonked on top of her head like an upturned flower pot! Perched like that the hat was all wrong, it made her look like a mushroom! It would hide her face and ruin the photographs. Not being able to resist I spoke up. I verified that she was ‘Mother of the Bride, and reminded her that she would be the second most important woman on the day of the wedding. As the hostess for the day the guests would want to hug and kiss her as she greeted them. Frequent collisions with the headgear would cause it to take flight and half the day would be spent trying to retrieve it.
I suggested wearing it at an angle to leave one side of the face free and visible for the photographs. Willingly she tried that but it was still not right. Hats nowadays are made in standard sizes and this was far too big for the woman’s small head. I suggested a different style with a half brim, something she had not thought of. Worn at an angle it looked well, showed off her soft face and good hair and the girls were all delighted. I also told her to take the hat to her hairdresser well in advance of the wedding so that they could discuss how best to cut and style the hair for the big day. It is not always a case of cutting the hair; there are times when it needs time to grow to the best shape.
I have one friend that I dislike shopping with. Once she enters a shop she must purchase something, usually clothing. It does not seem to matter to her whether the item suits or even fits her. Walking out of the shop with a carrier bag seems to give her a buzz. Several years ago she asked me to help her pick an outfit for a formal winter wedding. I agreed only if I was allowed to speak my mind and not just tell her something was nice, when it clearly didn’t suit her. I should have gone with my gut instinct…
My friend was at least 10 years further along the road of life than I was, about my height and heavy set. She did have some nice outfits in her wardrobe along with some very BIG mistakes. Perhaps she had come across the sales lady above!
We set out early one morning she knew where she wanted to go; I was driving so distance for her was no object, short journeys always happened when she used her car. We duly arrived in her chosen town and the search began. We looked, she tried and I gave my opinion. “It looks fine at the back, but it pulls under here” or “I like the line of the top but the skirt is way too long” and “That colour drains and ages your face, what about that turquoise?” - are some of the suggestions I made. At lunchtime we were not much further on, so we headed for refreshment.
An hour later refuelled and ready for the fray we began once more. We did see several outfits suitable and flattering for my friends shape and colouring, but alas she would not put them on. By mid afternoon I had stopped giving advice since my friend didn’t really want to hear it. Two outfits were purchased before we were finished, a navy velour pants set, suitable for lounging about the house and a flirty little cocktail dress more suitable for a summer’s evening. Neither of these outfits was suitable for the forth-coming wedding and I have never seen them since.
She suggested heading out another day but thankfully I was not available. An outfit was purchased and she showed it to me about a week later. It was a heavy machine knitted two-piece in a rather washed out colour blue, with a v-necked tunic top and long straight skirt, very suitable for daywear. The only decoration was a six inch band of a Fair Isle pattern around the tunic top at waist level. A couple of weeks later she bought a picture hat to wear with the suit in Sinamay, that fine straw that you cannot get wet…. for a winter wedding in Ireland!!!!
So what would you do?
Nicola Brown said,
November 18, 2008 at 9:54 am
Morning Grannymar,
I am afraid that I would just charge right in and tell her I think! Loved this post, it made me laugh out loud!!
X
Grannymar said,
November 18, 2008 at 11:03 am
Hi Nicola
Glad you enjoyed it!
Alas there was no ‘telling’ my friend, control was her middle name!
Darlene said,
November 18, 2008 at 2:11 pm
I wish my friend had been honest with me when we went shopping. I bought a sheath dress with a beautiful jacket and wore it just one time. The reason? It clung to my fat fanny like a second skin. Because there was no mirror in the store that allowed me to see how I looked from the rear I didn’t realize my mistake until I saw it that way after I had worn it one time. It went in the Good Will bag after I determined there was no way to alter it. I did love that jacket, though. Sigh!
Grannymar said,
November 18, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Darlene
We all make mistakes at times and I know that I did in the past.
At least you had the jacket and a good jacket can be worn with a dress, skirt or trousers giving each a different look.
Lorna said,
November 18, 2008 at 3:52 pm
I have to admit that I always either go clothes shopping on my own or occasionally with my husband who is brutally honest!!
I often wonder whether to tell people when they have lipstick on their teeth! - depends how well I know them but I would always prefer if someone told me.
I remember once when I was teaching and I was wondering why all the 16 year old boys in the initial 5 min registration slot were laughing until 2 nice girls told me the side zip on my trousers was open! They laughed more when I said ‘ oh, no, and I’m wearing my big magic knickers!’ - but I did see the funny side and I did so appreciate being told!!
Magpie11 said,
November 18, 2008 at 5:03 pm
I have told you about my mother and hats before. As a fella I have been asked by women of my ken to accompany them on clothes shopping trips and have often wished I had an instant camera available! I’m afraid that these days I get impatient if herself doesn’t listen to me! I’m the one who often has to appear in public with her!
So..in these days of digital cameras…take pictures and show her!
I think the real problem these days is my fellow males ….jackets with jeans! or Suits without ties….! Aaaaargh!
Grannymar said,
November 18, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Lorna
Please, please tell me if I get lipstick on my teeth. It can happen so easily.
School boys will be school boys, glad you saw the funny side.
steph said,
November 18, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Now there’s an idea, Grannymar…
You could have your own ‘Trinny & Susannah’ slot on The Afternoon Show and show the women of Ireland how it should be done!
And NO, I’m not offering to demo the magic knickers for you!
kenju said,
November 18, 2008 at 5:25 pm
If she asked my opinion, I would tell her it was unsuitable. If she only showed it to me and didn’t ask, I would say nothing.
She, and others like her, should be grateful for your presence while shopping!
Grannymar said,
November 18, 2008 at 6:21 pm
@Magpie - You slipped through there while I was distracted.
Lately I bring the camera with me when I shop. I have asked a shop assistant to photograph the back of an outfit for me a time or two.
@Steph - You would have to demo the magic knickers if I was on TV again.
A sure winner!
@Judy - Nowadays I am careful who I go shopping with.
Baino said,
November 18, 2008 at 7:13 pm
I hate shopping for clothes so generally run in, pick something without trying it then when I get home realise it’s all wrong. I am the world’s greatest ‘exchanger’ either that or St Vinnies get clothes with the labels left on. I could do with a wardrobe consultant Grannymar . . are you up for the challenge?
Grannymar said,
November 18, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Baino
Certainly, once you know that I speak my mind. If I gave wrong advice then the trust and friendship would suffer.
wisewebwoman said,
November 18, 2008 at 10:05 pm
A lot of the time, GM, people are not really interested in an honest opinion, they just want approval.
So you’re treading on dangerous ground with bluntness. I think we all establish our own style after the age of 30. I really do. We know what suits us.
As to what some of my friends call ‘retail therapy’, I’m afraid I despise shopping and I always have to have a purpose to my venturing into a mall. Uninspiring soulless places to my way of thinking.
Give me the good old shop on Main Street where the owner knows me. Now gone alas like our youth too soon!!!!
XO
WWW
dick said,
December 5, 2008 at 3:43 am
wisewebwoman has it right. I used to live in a lovely town in New Jersey, USA. the local men’s shop had a salesman who had my style and size figured out the minute I walked in. After my first couple of times there I would just walk in and tell him what I needed and he would pick out 3 or 4 things in my size that would suit. He never missed. A couple of years later the owner sold the store and I lost touch. I really miss having George to straighten me out. He made life so much easier for me since I really hate to shop at the best of times and so having one place to go and one man to go to made it very easy and quick. Then I had the rest of the day to do what I wanted to do.
Whatever happened to sales people like that. When I was a kid back in the Eisenhower days they were all over the place. When you went into a store you told them what you were in the market for and they helped you pick the right stuff. Now they stand then chewing gum and popping bubbles and act as if they are doing you a favor just waiting on you at all. What they don’t seem to realize is that people like me will remember how we were treated by them and go elsewhere and they will end up losing their jobs and losing commissions. I always think of that scene in Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts walked back into that shop where she was treated so badly and let the woman know that she had made a big mistake in treating her as she had. I feel like doing the same thing but I just don’t go back. Why should I. If I am going to spend my good money, I am going to be treated as a valued customer or I will go else where.
When I bought my last computer I decided to have it made for me. I knew what I wanted and that I wanted to use Linux. I ended up getting this small company to make it for me because they listened to me and answered my questions directly. I could not be happier. I ended up with exactly what I wanted and needed and have been using it now for 3 years with no problems at all. The others that tried to palm me off with half-truths and just plain lies lost out big time because this was not a cheap little computer I was buying. Goes right back to your point about the saleswoman. She was actually screwing up the business for her boss by her attitude whether she intended to or not.
Grannymar said,
December 5, 2008 at 11:51 am
Morning Dick and welcome.
There is no substitute for good service. As we all know bad news travels fast and when a customer is not looked after properly they seldom keep it to themselves.